I have so much happiness today. So many good things in my life. Still not quite the amount of self satisfaction and contentedness that I deserve, that I should strive harder for.
But in my absence I have found (at long last) the right piece of earth for my soul and built a life for myself. A life that works, and a life that is ME.

Current Location: Paradise City
Motivation: full
Influence: 'Glory Box' - Portishead

R.I.P. Elizabeth Edwards.

I'm okay with 80's covers that have a unique twist. But a Garbage cover done in the same style with a noticeably less talented (although similar) singer and no unique touches (or changes at ALL, really) is merely a decent bar band imitation. It is not suitable for a prime time teen drama that often plays really good/interesting remakes/covers.

I prefer the gothic acoustic Psychedelic Furs remakes. *sigh*

Transportation Security Administration Slogans; #1 If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first. #2 We are now free to move about your pants. #3 You *were* a virgin....

I often find my internal compass pulling towards a particular direction. And I am such an Eastcoast girl, even with my limited exposure to it. And unless it's to a destination off of the mainland, I rarely find my inner compass pulling west. Certainly not any further west then I am already. And yet lately, lately I feel myself leaning west. It's a little off, there's little to no logic to it. Almost as incomprehensable at 5 and a half years ago when I felt myself pulling quite strongly to Florida. Without any previous desire to live in Florida, moving there became all I could think about. An all consuming desire reguardless of having little knowledge or actual love for the state.

And now here I am feeling myself pulling towards the west. Not the northwest or the west coast, which would make much more sense. Not even somewhere as square in the middle as Colorado, which would also make sense as I've been there before and know how completely gorgeous it is. But I feel a strong leaning to the SOUTH west, which confudles me cause I've never really had any specific interest in the SOUTHwest. But lately my compass seems intent on pointing to Arizona. And, well, except for a possible visit - it just AIN'T gonna happen. And yet the internal compass has wavered very little all summer. And on the occasion it DOES waver; it quivers slightly north (damn near middle) to New Brass Key. Which is REALLY strange cause I've always thought of Nebraska as being possibly the most boring state possible aside from Iowa. Even Illinois seems less 'dull and country, through and through' to my mind. And there are some areas of Illinois that are EXTREMELY country. Call me a city girl, I guess.

Nights like tonight when I can't sleep I often day dream (is it really a day dream late at night?) of a long vacation to Arizona (Phoenix in particular) and then driving to Texas. I couldn't forgive myself for going to the southwest and NOT visiting my roomie Tasha in Corprus Christie.

Influence: 'Pandora's Aquarium' - Tori Amos

Oh, that's why my player is all 'Madonna, Madonna, Madonna'; because it's not on random play. Doiy.

I spilled latte' all over my new blouse at lunch. And right after the guy at American Bagel complimented me on it, too. :( But on the upside I now smell a whole lot like pumpkin spice latte', so I guess it's not all bad. ;)

Anywho, my ear infection seems to have healed. Doesn't hurt anymore.

Six Flags on Saturday. I think. I hope.

I'm so exciting.
Don't bother to read any of the above. Unless you already did in which case you KNOW that it's utterly pointless. Although..... if I filed my finger nails down to a sharp centered point (the better to claw you with, my dear) then I suppose I wouldn't be so pointless. Heh, yeah, I'm so clever.

Tags: latte' pumpkin
Motivation: okay
Influence: 'Hung up' - Madonna

Dear pumpkin spice latte' : You go in my mouth, not all over my new blouse. *grumble*

Tags: latte', pumpkin
Motivation: annoyed
Influence: 'Backwards Glance' - Curve

owe owe owe owe owe
Make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this

It always huts. The throbbing aching sensitive soreness in the background is constant. Pills or not, it's always there. But the sharp, blinding, what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this/why-do-you-hate-me? PAIN thing comes and goes in waves. And this wave has been going for nearly an hour. White hot. I've had two pills in the last three hours. A third one might knock me out, but I'll almost certainly throw up when I come to in a few hours. These are not the most effective prescription pain pills I've ever had. Or - the really scary possibility; they ARE effective but the pain is just THAT bad.

I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this
make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop

FOR FUCKS SAKE ISIS, MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

Motivation: IN PAIN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNBKfNo9Pu0&feature=related

Where are we all? Really? Are YOU happy? Are you where you want to be? Is anybody? I keep thinking my generation's moto is "Yeah, but I've got issues - I'm all fucked up in the head. What's YOUR excuse?" Cause we all think we're unique in that, and not a one of us is.

Wandering around downtown last night waiting for my train, listening to sad love songs and contemplating the past. Thinking about you. I am so glad we talked for two hours tonight, I hadn't even realized how long it had been. I've been so out of touch. My apologies.

Why do I constantly find myself in the position of having to REMIND myself to have a social life? Oh - cause people don't call me like they used to cause no one lives around here anymore. Where I live now is the right place for me now, though, so I guess things aren't really going to change anytime soon. I get lonely, it's the human condition. I guess I'm just a bitch who thinks she's a cat. Or a cat that likes to play.

When does my "someday" begin?
When I'll find someone again
And what if I still am not truly over
What am I supposed to do then?, babe...
Do you see what I'm saying
Even if, if it's not making sense?
So when can I see you
When can I see you again?

I'm sleepy. But I think it'd be healthier to cuddle up with tomorrow and not the past. I don't even have to make it happen cause life might have other plans, but I gotta put it out there and try or else it'll never be.

Tags: the girl
Current Location: BED
Motivation: contemplative
Influence: 'When can I see you?' - Babyface